Have you ever felt disappointment in your life? Like really FELT it? I mean, unless you have lead a completely charmed life, and always got exactly what you wanted, then the experience of being disappointed in an outcome is sure to have crossed your path. Would it be even bold to say, that fear of disappointment is preventing you from working towards things that your heart desires? Just a little bit?
Things are as they are, we suffer because we imagined different
I am fairly confident that anyone reading this, has felt disappointment, and I include myself in this presumption. Like being frozen in time, disappointment can literally rob us of the ability to have an open heart and pursue the things that we really desire in life. Is it possible to avoid disappointment? Sure! But be prepared from some rewiring of the mind, and some investigation into why disappointment may come up regularly in your life
Neurotransmitters and our Emotions
Because it seems that human beings are not that great at allowing emotions to unfold in their own time, we place a huge amount of expectation on how quickly we SHOULD be able to get over something. This sets us up for creating scripts inside the mind of how life needs to unfold, in order to feel the experience of success, in whatever area of life, we are craving for. And when life decides it isn’t going to play along with the script, we can start to make that mean that we won’t get what we want and viola, disappointment rears its head.
Within the story we tell ourselves about life, neurotransmitters (chemicals that relay information between neurons) are continually firing, enabling you to feel your thoughts and emotions about what you are telling yourself about life circumstances. There is a delicate balance required here between these transmitters, in order for them to thrive and assist with creating more jovial type emotions and less despondent type emotion. Daily lifestyle choices can either strengthen or weaken communication between neurons. For example: Exercise = stronger neurons. Drinking large amounts of alcohol = weakened neurons.
So it is obvious, that before we start affirming our positive quotes and rubbing our amethyst crystal, we need to get the chemical balance in our mind firing in a way that supports us rather than firing in a way that works against us.
Once lifestyle choices have been altered, and our emotional realm is feeling a little more even, what else could we investigate around healing the disappointment phobia?
Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappointment them.
The actual experience of disappointment is a form of sadness. A painful gap between our expectations and reality. Yet here is the funny thing. Researchers have found that there is no guarantee that if you get the things you want, you will be happy. We all have read stories of celebrities who seem to have it all, but are then on some downward spiral. It is proof that just because you want something, and then you get it, that doesn’t mean you will live happily ever after.
Allowing it to unfold naturally
Being able to give up control to how things unfold will do wonders for our resilience when life doesn’t go to plan. Disappointment usually strikes when we involve other people in a script we have written for them, and then they have other plans. If we focus on what we need to do to get what we want, but not hold any expectations as to how the end result will unfold, it will give us space to adjust plans along the way. The true magic here is in holding the feeling you want to accomplish as the end result rather than the physical manifestation of it. For example: The feeling of joy you would like to feel during your holiday, rather than the expectation that the holiday must go exactly to plan in order to feel your joy.
Meditate Meditate Meditate
If there isn’t already enough hype about the benefits of meditation, and you are still not into it, than it is going to be very difficult to build up any type of resilience to daily emotions. In meditation, the key experience is being able to stay. Not to be able to stop your thoughts, or to accomplish what you believe to be a ‘good’ meditation. Exactly the opposite. It is the ability to stay when every part of you wants to get up and do something else. The ability to feel emotions that are uncomfortable. Even to experience some physical discomfort. I can recall meditations where all I did was feel a sore lower back during the whole time. The resilience was in being able to face that discomfort, rather than run or hide from it.
Resiliency itself is the ability to bounce back from the difficulties of life. I mentioned earlier how important it is to allow ourselves however much time we need to allow emotions to pass through. Eventually though, we will need to get back on that horse of life, and if we let a situation dictate our beliefs on how future situations will unfold, we might become stuck in a pattern of expecting disappoint and low and behold, disappointment will not disappoint!
The ultimate ‘get out of disappointment free’ card is acceptance. Accepting life on life’s terms, rather than on your terms. It is the ability to say YES to life, just as it is, without anything needing to change. Often we hear things like ‘it’s not fair’ or ‘it shouldn’t be like this’ or ‘I can’t stand this’. It is almost as if refusing to accept what is, will alter the truth of the situation. When we accept things as they are, we give permission to allow all the emotions we have about the circumstance to be there, processed and integrated. This allows us to move on. When we resist what is, it can lead to denial of our feelings about the situation. And avoiding our feelings is usually a prime instigator in experiencing depression and anxiety
You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are to heavy to continue to carry
You know, the truth is, sometimes we are not ready for what we actually desire! The good news is, the steps you take, and any setbacks that unfold, can be the very catalyst preparing you for that which you want. I invite you from this point to take obstacles as opportunities to grow. Your ready to bloom